Pain, Hurt, and Tears.

Feeling like your heart is literally being ripped apart, and you don't know why....That is the worst feeling possible. Physically hurting. Physically aching. Crying your eyes out..hurting so deep down inside...and yet, you can't explain to anyone why. Why you feel this way...Well, that hasnt been discovered yet. Feeling this way right now. Most unbearable, painful, hurt. Right now. <<<

Popularity.

Popular. Honestly, what comes to mind when you hear that? For me, its a list of all the girls at school that are "popular." What is popular even mean? My mom always says "Well, what exactly makes them so "popular?" and I can never quite answer that question. There are some factors that do influence popularity, for insistence, wearing a ton of makeup, wearing skanky clothes, partying, etc. I've noticed that some of the popular girls and boys, their parents aren't exactly the best example, or are not always around. They're growing their children, rather than raising them. When teens have parents that aren't always around, the teens are going to do whatever they want. They will party, drink, and just go wild. Not to even mention when the teens parents are bad influences. That's a whole other story. But I think I have discovered one of the main factors of popularity is confidence. Every last one of the "popular" girls at my school just exude confidence. They're happy with who they are, and they won't let anyone tell them different. They're confident with themselves. I wish I was more like that. I have zero confidence. I don't believe any compliments people give me, and I'm always cautious of what I look like, what I'm doing, saying, eating...anything. I wish I was just happy with who I am. I need to work on feeling more confident within myself. If you believe you're something special, and that you're pretty...then others will believe that too. I think that's one of the main factors of popularity. But honesty, I'm not sure I would want to be in the popular group. They smoke, party hard, date about every guy/girl they can get. A lot of the girls do stuff with guys, and I'm just not there yet. We're only 14/15; and with the guys at our school..once they get what they want-they're done with you. Even though I don't think I would ever want to be in the popular group, I'd like to try it for a day. See what it's like having all the guys text you, hit on you...I'd like to be popular for just a day. To see what it's like in their shoes. So there's my little rant about popularity. Please comment; I'd love to read whether you agree or even disagree. Tell me if its different at your school. Just comment anything.

That Special Guy❤

Studying for two tests tomorrow<<<anything else. I have summer reading tests tomorrow on "The Help" and "Life Is So Good." Wish me good luck, I'm going to need it. My day today, was pretty good but exhausting. There's this guy named Bryce that I like. He's a sophmore, and he's my best friends brother. My guy best friend. The cool thing about it all is that there's this group, Bryce, his brother, Collin, my friend Stacey, and I. We hang out all together a lot. Of course though, Collin has to have this major creepy crush on me. He's so incredibly awkward about it too. But Bryce became a close friend after we all hung out more and more, then this past weekend we texted non stop. He told me I was amazing and beutiful, and all that sweet stuff guys say...then we were talking about first kisses. I haven't had mine yet, so I told him and he said "Well I would be honored to give you your first kiss, if you wanted." I about died. I mean, Bryce is just about the hottest guy in his grade...he has tons of girls writing stuff on his facebook wall, making themselves look really desperate. But I mean, Bryce said he would kiss me....I wanted to jump around and scream. Then later I fell asleep texting him, and the text he sent, of course right after I fell asleep, was "I really like you." then he sent me all these messages asking if I was awake still then he said "Goodnight beautiful." I read that the next morning and had a spaz attack. Haha, he's told me he wants to kiss me. I saw him today, and I just smiled, seeing him just makes my day and makes me happy. He is so adorable. <3

Picture Day.

School. Is. Exhausting. Today's Picture day, so of course theres the girls that dress super fancy in heels and a dress, with their hair all curled and done, walking through the halls like they're the queen of England or something; thinking they're all cool. Then there's the girls that don't care one bit, they just come to school wearing t-shirts and sweats. Then there's girls like me. Who dress up in a nice outfit but don't go overboard. Yupp. Today's crazy. But I saw him today. That made everything better; he smiled his cute smile and waved at me. I about died. He's so Asdfghjkl; adorable. ❤

This is me...and my story.

Hey, so this is the story of my life. The difficulties, the ups and downs, the hurt, the pain, the laughter, the smiles, the crazy times, the wild emotions....called my life. I just needed something to write down everything...I couldn't keep my emotions bottled up anymore. I will never revel my true name, every name of a person I mention, is fake...even my own name. I'm a freshman, and I'm a girl. My life is difficult...I'm not your average teen. I get depressed a lot, I physically hurt inside, I'm extremely sensitive, and I get angry easily..Don't freak, I do go to a counselor...So it's all good. I chose to do this blog so that I can get my life out there, so that maybe some other girls that are feeling the same way; will know they aren't alone. I hope you keep up on my blog, I'm still trying to figure this whole site out...but if you can respond to blogs, please do respond to mine...let me know too that I'm not alone. This is me....and my story.